Nine Notorious Nouns

Nine nouns you never want to hear in a sentence of which you are the subject: (Guess which five I’ve experienced?)
Audit
Lump
Divorce
Anal leakage
Subpoena
Root canal
Catheter
Biopsy
Cancer
According to former president Ronald Reagan, the nine most terrifying words in the English language are, “I’m from the government and I’m here to help.”
 

Top Ten Ways . . . (2)

. . . a stem cell transplant is NOT like a luxury vacation:

You feel like the “morning after” without the “night before.”
Forget laying out; 15 minutes of direct sun can cause 3rd degree burns.
Risky activities aren’t hang-gliding and para-sailing but flossing and nail clipping.
“Water sports” involve the bathroom, not the pool.
Alcohol is only for [...]

Top Ten Ways . . .

. . . a stem cell transplant is like a luxury vacation:

You get a month away from home and work.
The logistics and financial arrangements are handled in advance by specialists.
Accommodations are in a nice hotel in an upscale section of an international city.
A daily per diem is provided for travel and out-of-pocket expenses.
A live-in [...]

You’re Taking What!

The newest addition to my list of drugs to swallow—number 23, but who’s counting—is Fluconazole (the generic of Diflucan), which many female readers will recognize as a leading treatment for yeast infections. 
 
The packaging boasts, “Just one oral tablet provides a full course of therapy sufficient to cure most vaginal yeast infections.” Me? I’m on a [...]

The Cart

Tuesdays with Morrie may be enlightening but Thursdays with Mikie are a nightmare. Lots going on, but most of it bad.
 
It was the same with my first round of RICE. I’ve learned that surviving Thursday is the key.
 
That’s the day the cart comes by:
 
CART MASTER:
Bring out your dead!
[clang]
Bring out your dead!
[cough cough...]
[clang]
[...cough cough]
Bring out [...]

Survivor: Chemo

How about a new version of Survivor called Chemo Clinic? To qualify, contestants must have a white blood count between 3.5 and 10.6 KmcL and not be afraid of needles. They would have a series of toxic drugs injected into their arteries, after which they would compete at various tasks like:
 

Correctly pronouncing the concoctions [...]

A Real Pain in the Ass

A friend of mine was recently diagnosed with prostate cancer and has his first treatment tomorrow. I wish A. R. the best as he gets radiated.
 
In the spirit of poking (sic) fun of cancers I don’t have, I offer this educational video.
 

Cancer Buy the Book

One in four people in the Westerner world will die of cancer, which makes it a popular subject these days. On Lulu.com you can buy over 700 books on cancer. A search on Amazon brings up almost 250,000 results (some, no doubt, having to do with horoscopes). Still, there are a few titles that don’t [...]