How about a new version of Survivor called Chemo Clinic? To qualify, contestants must have a white blood count between 3.5 and 10.6 KmcL and not be afraid of needles. They would have a series of toxic drugs injected into their arteries, after which they would compete at various tasks like:
- Correctly pronouncing the concoctions they’ve on (e.g. cyclophosphamide or doxorubicin)
- Pole racing to the bathroom
- Peeing orange (darkest color wins)
- Eating hospital food
- Sleeping through the night at any time during the next week
Contestants could be voted out of the clinic for:
- Allergic reactions (this gets you carted off to the emergency room)
- Bad-mouthing the pharmacist
- Excessive shedding
- Complaining about the magazine selection
- Watching Fox News on the TVs above their recliners
- Screaming during the removal of chest hair via postcard-sized bandages (for those who have chest hair)
There is no immunity in Chemo Clinic as the drugs wipe this out.
A contestant who makes it through six or more rounds of Chemo earns the right to be called a Survivor.