Survivor: Chemo


How about a new version of Survivor called Chemo Clinic? To qualify, contestants must have a white blood count between 3.5 and 10.6 KmcL and not be afraid of needles. They would have a series of toxic drugs injected into their arteries, after which they would compete at various tasks like:

 

  • Correctly pronouncing the concoctions they’ve on (e.g. cyclophosphamide or doxorubicin)
  • Pole racing to the bathroom
  • Peeing orange (darkest color wins)
  • Eating hospital food
  • Sleeping through the night at any time during the next week

 

Contestants could be voted out of the clinic for:

 

  • Allergic reactions (this gets you carted off to the emergency room)
  • Bad-mouthing the pharmacist
  • Excessive shedding
  • Complaining about the magazine selection
  • Watching Fox News on the TVs above their recliners
  • Screaming during the removal of chest hair via postcard-sized bandages (for those who have chest hair)

 

There is no immunity in Chemo Clinic as the drugs wipe this out.

 

A contestant who makes it through six or more rounds of Chemo earns the right to be called a Survivor.

 

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6 thoughts on “Survivor: Chemo

  1. I’m in. I have been surviving chemo since February 2006 for ovarian cancer. There has not been one month off. I have dealt with all the above and believe I would win the urine test. But, I am here, I am able to live and I have gotten used to the idea that I will be doing this the rest of my life (I want, at least 20 to 30 years more). Knowing others are dealing with this (I wish NOT ONE other person was) keeps me going. SO, let’s all survive together, shall we?

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