The Cart


Tuesdays with Morrie may be enlightening but Thursdays with Mikie are a nightmare. Lots going on, but most of it bad.

 

It was the same with my first round of RICE. I’ve learned that surviving Thursday is the key.

 

That’s the day the cart comes by:

 

CART MASTER:
Bring out your dead!
[clang]
Bring out your dead!
[cough cough…]
[clang]
[…cough cough]
Bring out your dead!
[clang]
Bring out your dead!
[clang]
Bring out your dead! Ninepence.
[clang]
Bring out your dead!
[clang]

CUSTOMER:
Here’s one.

 

CART MASTER:
Ninepence.

DEAD PERSON:
I’m not dead!

CART MASTER:
What?

CUSTOMER:
Nothing. Here’s your ninepence.

DEAD PERSON:
I’m not dead!

CART MASTER:
‘Ere. He says he’s not dead!

CUSTOMER:
Yes, he is.

DEAD PERSON:
I’m not!

CART MASTER:
He isn’t?

CUSTOMER:
Well, he will be soon. He’s very ill.

DEAD PERSON:
I’m getting better!

CUSTOMER:
No, you’re not. You’ll be stone dead in a moment.

CART MASTER:
Oh, I can’t take him like that. It’s against regulations.

DEAD PERSON:
I don’t want to go on the cart!

CUSTOMER:
Oh, don’t be such a baby.

CART MASTER:
I can’t take him.

DEAD PERSON:
I feel fine!

CUSTOMER:
Well, do us a favour.

CART MASTER:
I can’t.

CUSTOMER:
Well, can you hang around a couple of minutes? He won’t be long.

CART MASTER:
No, I’ve got to go to the Robinsons’. They’ve lost nine today.

CUSTOMER:
Well, when’s your next round?

CART MASTER:
Thursday.

DEAD PERSON:
I think I’ll go for a walk.

CUSTOMER:
You’re not fooling anyone, you know. Look. Isn’t there something you can do?

DEAD PERSON: [singing]
I feel happy. I feel happy.
[whop]

CUSTOMER:
Ah, thanks very much.

CART MASTER:
Not at all. See you on Thursday.

 

(Monty Python and the Holy Grail)

 

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8 thoughts on “The Cart

  1. And “He’s been mostly dead all day!” I love your quotes and continued sense of humor throughout these days of misery and the trials of the body.
    Hang in there – you are an inspiration as you face each of the icky steps of this process. If Mike can do it, any of us can do it if/when such trials happen our way.

  2. Did you ever see the one (Monty Python) where a bloke tries to return a dead parrot to the pet shop?
    Owner of parrot: THIS PARROT IS DECEASED!!
    Pet store guy: No he’s not! He’s just sleeping…
    ( Owner of parrot bangs bird on counter several times.) And so it goes – oh it was a funny one!

  3. Are you home yet? Susan didn’t come for you with a cart did she? Whop and Arr!! Glad you are back from the dead (I hope) – talk to you later today ❤

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