Persistent Questions


Here are my answers to a few of what Guy Noir might call “life’s persistent questions”:

What’s the best way to tell how old the universe is?

Check her photo ID.

Why would the Earth lie about her age?

To get into certain evangelical churches.

Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

The nugget.

Did Adam have a navel?

Yes. The real mystery is why he had nipples.

How many strict Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, but they have to use the rhythm method.

Will there be animals in heaven?

If not, the Marriage Supper of the Lamb will be vegan.

How many brain cells does God have?

None. God has a mind but no brain.

If the Bible is inspired (God breathed), can it contain errors?

Yes, because the divine breath passes through human lungs.

Can something that’s not real be true? Can pure fiction ever become gospel truth?

Of course, e.g., the parables of Jesus.

Is there a “Use By” date on the grace of God?

No.

“I have my faults,
but being wrong isn’t one of them.”
-Ashliegh Brilliant

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11 thoughts on “Persistent Questions

  1. I think that if God is so flimsy that He cannot figure out a way to communicate through a human being what He wants us to know, perhaps the title of God, is inappropriate.

    1. No question he can make his will known. The question is whether this means the written document is completely without error. The former doesn’t require the latter.

        1. It is a Human mistake to attribute human traits to God. God is intelligent but in a far superior way that Human beings can ever grasp. What does an ant know about the hugeness of a mountain ?!

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