Here are my answers to a few of what Guy Noir might call “life’s persistent questions”:
What’s the best way to tell how old the universe is?
Check her photo ID.
Why would the Earth lie about her age?
To get into certain evangelical churches.
Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
Did Adam have a navel?
Yes. The real mystery is why he had nipples.
How many strict Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, but they have to use the rhythm method.
Will there be animals in heaven?
If not, the Marriage Supper of the Lamb will be vegan.
How many brain cells does God have?
None. God has a mind but no brain.
If the Bible is inspired (God breathed), can it contain errors?
Yes, because the divine breath passes through human lungs.
Can something that’s not real be true? Can pure fiction ever become gospel truth?
Of course, e.g., the parables of Jesus.
Is there a “Use By” date on the grace of God?
“I have my faults,
but being wrong isn’t one of them.”