The F Word


FATIGUE continues to be my nemesis. I haven’t been this flat since my high-dose chemo and bone marrow transplant. Sleep is sketchy, energy is limited, margins are gone. Six weeks post-op and I still need pain pills to get through the day. When I sit, it’s like being velcroed to the chair.

But this time around I don’t know the cause, unless it’s just the cumulative effect of five years of unremitting medical drama and attendant emotional trauma.

Alfred Hitchcock once said, “What is drama, after all, but life with the dull bits cut out.” I could do with a less dramatic lifestyle.

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8 thoughts on “The F Word

  1. MIKE, YOU NEED SOME FREASH AIR. HERE AT EXCLAIMATION POINT GRAPERY,[ 4600 FT ELEVATION.] WE HAVE 1500 + –, VINES 4 YEARS OUT OF THE GROUND. YOU DONT HAVE TO LOOK UP TO GOD TO PRAY. JUST LOOK OUT TO ALL HIS CREATION. THERE ARE NO TWO VINES THE SAME. EACH ONE TAKES ITS OWN SPEACIAL CARING. JUST LIKE GODS CHILDREN. A WAY OF HEALING IS TO FUNNEL YOUR THOUGHTS ON SOMETHING OTHER THAN WHAT IS INSIDE OF YOU. WORKING IN THE VINEYARD YOU REACH OUT TO A VINE TO REFREASH IT TO GROW FRUIT. IF DONE WRIGHT THE FEELING OF THIS WORK IS VERY GOOD FOR THE BODY AND MIND. AS A FRIEND OF STAN FARMER YOU ARE A BROTHER IN CHRIST ALSO. HOPE THIS FINDS YOU WELLER. JUST STIR THE POT. FOOD FOR THOUGHT. CHRIS K. E P G THE HIGHTIST VINEYARD IN NC

  2. I can actually hear the fatigue in your words, Mike. Knowing you, your mind is out ahead of what your body will allow, then the mind, too, tires which probably bothers you even more! My prayer is that your non-activity could at least be peaceful, and that restlessness, boredom, or frustration diminish. Your insights on fatigue while in the midst of it is in the best Hamel tradition and will no doubt help many fellow sufferers. You are an incredible man and a deeply loved friend. All the best day by day….
    Greg

  3. Sad to note your suffering. I had undergone an open heart surgery and ever since feeling exhausted. I ascribe the problems to the large number of tablets/capsules that I have to consume every day. There is some old statistics which says that 25% of the hospital beds in the US is occupied by people who are suffering from the medicines they have consumed !! Medicines are strong chemicals and play havoc with human health by their deleterious side effects.

    1. I agree. In her book, Another Day in the Frontal Lobe, neurosurgeon Katrina Firkin notes that,

      “Anything strong enough to help you is strong enough to hurt you. No treatment, at least no worthwhile treatment, comes without risk. Even natural supplements, if you take unnaturally large amounts, can have untoward effects. … There are plenty of medications that work wonders without us having a clear idea as to how or why they work. To me, that means there are probably other things those drugs are doing that we may not expect.”

      It’s a Faustian bargain but I’ve adopted Dr. Firkin’s approach, “I’ll take a medication when I need it, when the time comes, if the benefits clearly outweigh the risks. But I won’t expect to get something for nothing.”

  4. It’s sounds crazy to wish you a dull life… but, I do wish for you to have less drama in your life. Get a good CD of some praise music and fill your house with song. That may energize you!

  5. Sorry Mike, that you are so very tired. I sleep a lot but I don’t feel like that (yet.) Wish they could find a reason, though on the other hand, maybe that’s not a good idea either. Did your blood work all come back okay? Did you do a lot with your kids preparing the house? That had to be emotionally draining even if not physically. (Is that a picture of your house, the one with the awnings?) I’m going to ask God to not only show up but show up with a B12 shot or something like that 🙂 In Christ’s strength, Chris

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